just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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