I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
