try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
