you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize