Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
