This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
