I just cut my nipple shaving
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Im part way to drunk.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
