we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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