Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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