I hope mine doesn't look like that
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize