It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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