you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize