going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
