Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Soap is not a condiment
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize