when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
