she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
