I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize