So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
