the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
