i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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