I wish my penis had an off switch
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
