Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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