and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
