I saw his package. It spoke to me.
high people should be assigned attendants
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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