is your mom at the bar?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize