you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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