her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
