I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
