and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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