I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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