Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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