Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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