East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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