ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Why is your signature on my underwear?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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