we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I have fence marks all over my body
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
