I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
