awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize