ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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