dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
