I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
