I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize