So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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