In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
