Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
