I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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