it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
