I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
