actually, I'm a sock model
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
