I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
