Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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