She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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