I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
