how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
