Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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