I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
