I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize