i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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