Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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