I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
