508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Floor bacon is actually really good
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