brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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