Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize