i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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