god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
