sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
