Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
