i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
