u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
