I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
