Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
