You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize