so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
