My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
