also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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