I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize