Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
