It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
