final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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