My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
