I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So here I am, sexting at work.
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