we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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