What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
