im drinking this country out of the recession.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize