Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
