Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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