thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
its not stalking. its research.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize