But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
