There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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