My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
