Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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