Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
