Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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