i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
