i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
