Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
